Doug’s on a Raft. He Still Owes You a Sales Report

“Doug, glad I caught you. Do you have that report? Leadership needs it by end of day.”

Doug, in case you’re wondering, is on a raft.

Not metaphorically. Literally. A hand-tied, half-sinking wooden raft somewhere in the middle of the ocean. Salt-crusted, sunburnt, and one philosophical conversation away from befriending a volleyball.

But none of that matters—not when Q1 numbers are due.

💼 Corporate Logic: A Case Study in Absurdity

The modern workplace has evolved. We’ve embraced flexibility, remote working, asynchronous teams, and virtual calls from the most questionable locations. And yet, somehow, one thing hasn’t changed:

If you’re reachable, you’re available.
If you’re available, you’re accountable.
And if you're Doug... you’d better have that report.

Never mind the ocean. Never mind the clear signs of distress. The meeting must go on. The deadline remains immovable. After all, leadership needs it by end of day.

🧠 The Office Bantomime Vibe

At Office Bantomime, we exist to document these beautifully bizarre moments of modern work life. No matter where you are or what you're doing, it doesn't matter.

Doug’s story is all of us.
He’s every overworked, underappreciated team member who gets pinged while on annual leave.
Every “quick call” survivor.
Every soul who’s tried to submit a report while fighting off a metaphorical (or literal) storm.

🌊 Let’s Be Honest...

Somewhere out there, someone’s running payroll from a ferry.
Someone’s joining a stand-up from crawling up a mountain.
And someone—possibly Doug—is bobbing on open water, wondering if it’s worth burning the last 3% of battery life to send that spreadsheet.

And the most terrifying part?

He probably will.

P.S. - Doug is sure he already emailed it over to his boss before he went on annual leave.

💬 Final Thoughts

If you’re reading this from dry land—take a moment to check on your own inner Doug. Give him a break. Set an OOO. Ignore that one notification.

And if you are Doug:
We see you.
We appreciate you.
Please don’t worry about the sales report—we’re writing a blog about you instead.