Every Workplace Has an Office Creep—Here’s How to Outsmart Him
Meet the Office Creep: that unsettling coworker who always lingers too long. Spot the signs, protect your peace, and report them without guilt. Every office has one—survive yours.
Meet the Office Creep: Every Workplace Has One
From the satirical series: Office Action Heroes (and Villains)
"He's known as someone who will make an inappropriate comment—usually sexual—and have no notion whatsoever that he said anything wrong."
Introduction
If you've ever worked in an office (or even virtually), chances are you've encountered a certain type of colleague who’s always around—yet never actually doing anything helpful.
Introducing the Office Creep: the creepy corporate character you instinctively avoid.
👀 Females, be aware.
Who Is the Office Creep?
The Office Creep is a classic workplace archetype:
- Inappropriate in all interactions, especially of a sexual nature
- Frequently hovers around female colleagues
- Rarely attractive, often unaware of personal boundaries
- Wears a suit that’s slightly off—creased, stained, or just sad
- Likely lives alone… or with his mum
The Office Bantomime Team
He's the one guy who knows exactly how to clear a room.
Signs You’re Dealing with an Office Creep
- Constantly uses suggestive or sexual comments, regardless of context
- Finds excuses to touch others—always "accidentally"
- Keeps odd desk items (e.g., a Gollum doll or stress toys that raise eyebrows)
- Catchphrase: “You fancy a drink after work?”
- Gets visibly uncomfortable around HR
- Has a LinkedIn photo from 2009 that’s suspiciously filtered
Why Every Office Has (At Least) One
- Being creepy doesn’t mean being unintelligent—they can be smart, charismatic, and even charming
- They often slip through recruitment because there’s no "Creep Test" (yet)
- Some see the workplace as a dating pool rather than a professional setting
- Like cockroaches, they’ve survived every workplace era—from typewriters to Teams
Surviving the Office Creep: A Quick Guide
Workplace creeps should never be tolerated. Here’s how to keep your sanity and safety intact:
✅ Report them at all costs. Workplace ethics demand action.
✅ Document everything. Even coffee chats or Slack messages.
✅ Have a witness. It’s harder to deny when someone else sees it.
✅ Keep your boundaries firm. Don't "laugh it off."
✅ Trust your instincts. If something feels off, it probably is.
✅ Maintain digital records. Screenshot messages and save emails.
✅ Talk to HR or a trusted leader. Don’t carry the burden alone.
✅ Support each other. Don’t let others be isolated or targeted.
✅ Know you're not overreacting. You deserve a safe, respectful workplace.
Share Your Office Creep Stories
Do you work with one?
Have you been one? 😬
👉 Share your most cringe-worthy #WorkplaceAbsurdities moments in the comments or tag @OfficeBantomime. Let's call them out one action figure at a time.
