"Navigating the Office Jungle: Dealing with Nutters"
"Discover the quirkiest characters of the office jungle in our latest blog! From eccentric talkers to relentless desk cleaners, we've got tips on how to thrive amidst the unique personalities in your workplace. Join us as we navigate this wild terrain!"
Have you ever been on public transport, and a peculiar stranger seems to have a magnetic attraction to the seat right next to you? You can't escape their eccentricity, and it feels like they're sniffing you out as a potential victim to experience their madness first-hand.
Well, guess what? The workplace has its own share of these intriguing characters. It's no secret that the office can be a magnet for the quirky and bizarre, and you might be surprised to discover that some of them could even be in leadership roles!
When one of these "nutters" ends up on your team or occupying the desk next to yours, your work life can take an unexpected turn. Brace yourself because there's no shortage of unique personalities in the world of office oddities. Let's look at twelve examples of the "nutters" you might encounter in your professional journey.
1. The One Who Talks To Oneself
When you're diligently typing away at your desk, brewing that essential cup of coffee, or perhaps engaged in an important phone call. But then, a spectacle unfolds nearby – your colleague is locked in a full-blown conversation with, well, themselves! It's an innocuous yet oddly captivating behaviour that's just as bewildering as it is intriguing.
But here's the weird thing, if you ever dare to engage with them, perhaps with a polite, "Were you speaking to me?" you'll likely be met with a resounding "No." It's like a scene straight out of a Hitchcock psychological thriller, leaving you wondering if it's time to dial up the people in white coats with a stray jacket in tow.
What if I told you there's a method to this apparent madness? Think of it as a kind of self-administered brain defragmentation. The "One Who Talks To Oneself" might just be defragmenting their own mind by giving voice to their thoughts. It's like watching a mental computer defrag its hard drive, with each spoken word helping the brain cope with its inner chaos. This person in the office is not dangerous, just remember to engage with them once their meeting with their inner self has finished.
2. The Hot Head
Beware, of "The Hot Head." Imagine a workplace pressure cooker that is also toxic, and this nutcase is the one that cranks the heat to the max, making every day feel like a battlefield.
This is the coworker whose temper is as unpredictable as the weather, and whose intimidating demeanor can leave even the bravest employees trembling in their ergonomic chairs. Engaging with them feels like tiptoeing across a minefield— you never quite know when the next explosion is going to happen.
Now, you might be thinking, "This employee's days are probably numbered." And you're not entirely wrong as sooner or later HR will need to get involved to enforce disciplinaries, but you don't want to be anywhere near ground zero when one of their explosive episodes takes place. That's like standing next to a volcano as it erupts!
3. The Obsessive Post-It-Notes Hoarder
You've probably seen their desk buried under colourful sticky notes. If Post-it-Notes were a currency, they'd be millionaires by now. It's possibly verging on some sort of OCD disorder when their anxiety causes them to constantly remind themselves of the tasks ahead by keeping these coloured notes in all sorts of places to manage their day.
Passing on any sort of knowledge to them will have them producing their Post-it notes pad and tearing one off in another attempt to cover their computer monitor screen.
On the plus side, they do manage to stay organised!
4. The Relentless Talker
Have you ever crossed paths with that one colleague who simply dominates every conversation? They have a knack for preventing anyone else from getting a word in edgewise, leaving you with the choice of either honing your listening skills to a razor-sharp edge or mentally checking out, realizing your input is futile.
In meetings, you'll often find yourself rudely interrupted, and when you attempt to pose a question, they're already racing to answer it before you've even finished asking. It's as if they've mastered the art of speaking without taking a breath for an astonishing duration. Could this be some bizarre evolutionary adaptation unique to this individual?
Engaging or attempting to make your voice heard in their presence can be a fruitless endeavour. In such moments, your best bet might be to engage in a brief meditation of your own while they continue their verbal deluge, offering nods and smiles to maintain the appearance of participation.
5. The Compulsive Liar
In the realm of office characters, there's one who stands out as a true storyteller extraordinaire – "The Compulsive Liar." Every interaction with them feels like diving into a fantasy novel, where the line between fact and fiction blurs into an intriguing tapestry of tales.
Each story they share is a breathtaking adventure in fiction, and you're left wondering what's genuine and what's pure fantasy. They'll regale you with tales of pay raises they never received, exotic holidays in far-flung destinations (which turn out to be a weekend trip to a local beach town), and their extravagant lifestyle of non-stop partying with friends (when, in reality, most nights are spent cosily at home in their pyjamas).
The repertoire of tall tales is seemingly endless, and it's easy to get enticed by the allure of their narratives. But remember, in the world of " Compulsive Liar," a polite smile can go a long way. It's all about navigating the whimsical labyrinth of their imagination while maintaining your own grip on reality.
6. The Desk Domination Enthusiast
Where Cleanliness Meets Chaos In the bustling realm of office eccentricities, there exists a peculiar character known as the "Desk Domination Enthusiast." Their workspace is a sight to behold—or not, depending on your perspective.
Imagine strolling past their desk, and you'll notice it's cleaner than a surgeon's operating table, suspiciously spotless, almost as if it defies the laws of nature. They have an uncanny knack for detecting invisible specks of dust and diligently wiping them away, leaving you pondering how they manage to focus on any actual work amid their cleaning crusade.
Armed with bright yellow washing-up gloves and scavenged sponges taken from the workplace kitchen, this fearless employee embarks on epic desk-cleaning adventures. They'll empty their desk drawers onto the pristine surface, carefully sorting through files, purging the unwanted, and perhaps raising an eyebrow or two in the process.
But hold onto your chairs, because there's a twist! Some "Desk Domination Enthusiasts" take their passion to the extreme. Midway through your crucial phone call, they might suddenly materialize with a vacuum cleaner, creating a loud noise of suction while you try to maintain your professional composure.
7. Chief Party Planner
This is no ordinary coworker; they've carved out a unique niche for themselves, effectively creating a second job title: Chief Party Planner. Effectively they are doing two jobs but really they are only doing one. The Chief Party Planner.
You'll find them at their desk, but don't be fooled into thinking they're doing their actual work. No, their true calling is curating celebrations for every imaginable event, from birthdays to the arrival of employees' newborn babies, leaving do's, charity events, If it's happening in the office, they've got it covered.
These individuals don't just plan the parties; they become an unstoppable force, shaking an envelope at your desk like a relentless beggar. It's not a choice; it's a command. You're expected to contribute to an employee's collection, whether it's for someone you've never met or someone you've hardly spoken to.
Forget asking them anything related to their actual job role as you'll only be met by resistance when they claim Susan's just been married and they are trying to raise funds for a wedding present.
So, brace yourself for the whirlwind of festivity that is the "Chief Party Planner." They'll ensure that even the most obscure milestones are marked with a confetti explosion, and they won't stop until every envelope has been shaken and every office occasion celebrated with them being praised and loved by everybody.
8. The Workplace Conspiracy Theorist
Get ready for a daily dose of intriguing secret plots, government cover-ups, and elaborate conspiracy theories. These individuals will challenge your beliefs and make you reevaluate everything you thought you knew. You can bet they've delved into the depths of the internet during the early hours of the morning, seeking hidden truths.
It's quite astonishing how they manage to stay productive amidst their conspiracy ponderings. Expect "The Matrix" movie to be on the office screen at least once a month, with Keanu Reeves's character, Neo, held in high regard as a true hero for thwarting any sinister government forces hell-bent on our destruction.
9. The Paranoid
Meet the Paranoid coworker, who is convinced that everyone, from the janitor to the CEO, has it out for them. Trust is a rare commodity in their world, and it takes a lot of patience to navigate the intricacies of their mindset. They firmly believe that layoffs are imminent and that you, their colleague, have your sights set on their job.
In their world, even the disappearance of their lunch from the office fridge can become a conspiracy, even if it's been sitting on the front seat of their car all along. Every meeting they attend feels like a performance evaluation, and any innocent question is seen as a potential threat.
When dealing with them, it's often best to avoid direct eye contact.
10. The Believer In Lizard People
Yes, you read that right. There's always one who wholeheartedly believes in the existence of lizard people ruling the world. It's no good trying to convince them they are insane as they have spent years of research on the subject and believe once we are finally able to reach Mar's they'll be a civilisation of these creatures living as we are.
Things can get deeper when they tell you about the fact that the Lizard people are living amongst us and can disguise themselves to look like us and are probably working in the very business you're in now.
You might want to keep your distance during discussions of global politics.
11. Deciphering the Man Who Just Stares
Meet the "Office Enigma" – a coworker whose unyielding gaze has you questioning whether they've morphed into a detective solving the world's most perplexing case or they're simply lost in an intensely profound daydream.
As you saunter across the office to use the printer, their eyes remain fixed upon you, unblinking and unwavering. Even while you engage in a crucial client call, their stare persists, leaving you in a constant state of curiosity. Are they scrutinizing you with silent judgment, or is it mere coincidence that you've become the focus of their intense contemplation?
But here's the real puzzler: when the same mesmerizing scenario unfolds day after day, you can't help but wonder what lies beneath that unflinching gaze. Is he a clandestine creep, a lurking pervert, or perhaps someone with unsaid words desperately wanting to communicate but not knowing how?
12. The Woman Who Blows into People's Ears
Prepare yourself for a bizarre workplace encounter that might leave you questioning the laws of office decorum. Meet the enigmatic "Ear-Whisperer." This unique individual possesses an uncanny greeting style that involves an unexpected gust of air directly into your ear. It's almost as if she's compelled by some mysterious force to deliver this peculiar salutation.
When you're engrossed in a crucial report or dialled into a virtual meeting, laser-focused on your screen. Suddenly, out of nowhere, she materializes beside your desk, poised for her next ear-blowing mission. With lightning speed, she exhales a burst of air into your unsuspecting ear canal. Before you can even process what just happened, she's off to her next target, seemingly unfazed by the bewildered expressions left in her wake.
In a world of office oddities, the "Ear-Whisperer" stands out as a true enigma, a testament to the unexpected adventures that await within the four walls of your workplace. Stay vigilant, my friends, for you never know when the next gust of ear-bound air might come your way!
James Mason
