The Office Sicknote: Surviving the Always-Absent Colleague

Meet the Office Sicknote: Every Workplace Has One

From the satirical series: Office Action Heroes (and Villains)
"This person rarely turns up at the office, and when they do, they normally feel sick and end up going home again."

Introduction

If you've ever worked in an office (yes, even remotely), chances are you've encountered this unnerving type:
This person, who rarely turns up at work—and let's not discriminate against someone who is off due to a long illness—but someone who tends to be off every other week with a few days here or there.

Introducing the Office Sicknote—the always-sick character you can't help but avoid.
👀 Everyone, expect that call that they won't be in.

Who Is the Office Sicknote?

The Office Sicknote is an overly unwell archetype who spends more time at home, unable to work due to some illness.

Common Traits:

Absent from work
When they do enter the office, they complain about some illness or another
Depressing to be around
Very likely to be off work on many occasions
Coughing, sneezing, and spluttering
Hinting that they will probably not be in tomorrow or next week
The doctor has prescribed all sorts of medicines, but none of them work
Their desk is always clean as it's never worked on
Tends to complain about the heating being turned up or down
Always wearing extra layers or visibly clutching a hot drink
Regularly emails from bed with typos and a subject line that reads: “Out Sick Today 🛌”
Talks about symptoms in far too much detail during Teams calls
Updates you frequently on their "ongoing tests" or "doctor referrals"
Catchphrase: “I’m afraid I won't be in work today”

Satirical action figure packaging titled "Office Sicknote" featuring an empty figure slot and accessories like a sick note, thermometer, hot water bottle, and teddy bear.

Why Every Office Has (At Least) One

There's always going to be someone sicker than others. Or are they really sick and just playing a game?

But here’s why they thrive:

Paid leave
Doctors can sign them off for a long time
The ability to not work and still get paid for it
Attention from colleagues who may feel sorry for them
They may well be the unhealthiest planet on the planet
They’ve mastered the “sick voice” to perfection
HR walks on eggshells around them
No one wants to question their absence in case it's “serious”
They’ve got a library of excuses: migraines, flu, food poisoning, and the vague but effective “feeling unwell”
They're mysteriously always sick on Mondays… and Fridays

Why Is My Co-Worker Always Off Sick?

Some co-workers frequently call in sick, but are they truly ill or just dodging work? From gaming the system to hating their job, discover why some employees take more sick days than others.

Office BantomimeJames Mason

Surviving the Office Sicknote: Your Updated Guide

Surviving the Office Sicknote is probably not quite the right term, but here are your best plays:

✅ Show Concern – If they are in your team, it's worth trying to get an understanding from your boss why they are absent more than others.
✅ Workload – Is their absence affecting your workload? Inform your boss.
✅ Don’t Get Sucked In – Resist the temptation to gossip or make assumptions—let HR handle the bigger picture.
✅ Keep Receipts – If their absence directly affects your deadlines or output, document it.
✅ Protect Yourself – If they come in visibly sick, suggest they rest at home before they infect the entire department.
✅ Maintain Boundaries – Just because they’re off, doesn’t mean you have to carry their emotional load too.

Do you work with one?
Or... are you one? 😬

👉 Drop your most jaw-dropping #WorkplaceAbsurdities moments in the comments or tag @OfficeBantomime.
Let’s call them out—one sick action figure at a time.