Why Do Coworkers Email ‘How Are You?’ (When They Don’t Really Care)
The classic "How are you?" opener in work emails can feel insincere, especially when you don’t know the person and suspect they’re just after something. Yet, it’s easy to fall into this habit when trying to be polite before making a request.
But what if you actually answered honestly? Imagine replying, "Not great, actually. I’m going through a messy divorce, my cat had to be put down this morning, and I just spilled coffee all over my skirt."
"I’m so sorry to hear that. Anyway, I need a quarterly report on the US sales statistics. Can you help?"
Your instinctive response? "No, F*ck off!" Instead, you stay professional, responding civilly to this stranger who just asked how you're doing. Even worse, you then feel compelled to ask them the same question out of courtesy—even though:
- You've never met this person before.
- They could be on the other side of the world, working for the same organization.
- You’ll probably never hear from them again.
Why Do People Do This?
Politeness
It can be awkward to reach out to someone you don’t know, so starting with "How are you?" feels like an easy icebreaker. It’s also often considered standard email etiquette, even if it feels unnecessary.
Common Courtesy
A direct request can feel abrupt, and asking how someone is can serve as a soft way to ease into the conversation. It can make the request sound less demanding and more approachable.
Organizational Culture & Training
Some companies actively encourage employees to start emails with pleasantries. If someone has been trained to do this in a previous role, they’ll likely carry the habit forward.
They Might Actually Care (Unlikely, But Possible)
Once in a while, someone genuinely wants to know how you’re doing—but let’s be honest, this is rare in workplace emails.
Awkwardness or Lack of Confidence
Some people simply don’t know how to start a message, so they default to "How are you?" out of habit or nervousness. This is especially common among those who don’t reach out to others often.
Stalling for Time
The sender might be buying themselves a moment to gather their thoughts before getting to their actual request. "How are you?" acts as a small delay while they figure out what to say next.
Better Ways to Start a Conversation
Instead of "How are you?", consider these alternatives:
- "Hope you’re having a great day so far."
- "I wanted to check in on [topic]."
- "Jumping right in—I need your input on [topic]."
- "I appreciate your time. I wanted to ask about [topic]."
- "Sorry to bother you, but could you answer a quick question about [topic]?"
Takeaway
The key is not to take this question personally. It’s a common workplace habit, and even if the person asking doesn’t actually care, it’s still meant as a warm gesture. Ultimately, working collaboratively and politely helps build professional relationships. And who knows—over time, as you work together more, they might ask "How are you?" and genuinely mean it.
